Cheat on you once; Shame on me twice!

To which extent is cheating called cheating: making the real act or just thinking about it?
Real affair or a virtual friendship??

When a relation reaches a dead Love end, entertaining virtual friendships is harmful? Spending hours on the net or phone exchanging thoughts and feelings is a killer for the couple? Or when those friendships become more your reality than your real reality is?

I was always speculating/discussing the subject -sometimes a bit too harshly- amidst all the friends/acquaintances divorcing, cheating or simply tempted to do so.
Until a recent debate among 2 renowned French psychiatric and psychoanalyst/sexologist motivated me to re-open the subject:

One school defends exclusivity: Love is expressed through feelings, words and thoughts in reality and virtually! Even when men pretend that paying for a prostitute is not cheating because it does’t involve feelings; in fact, it does involve thoughts, preparation and the act by itself, so it is cheating!

Another school is rather more permissive. They advocate that by “being”, you rely on the others, on contacts and relations. So by going into an “exclusive” relation, you would be cheating yourself! They add that by sleeping with another person when you Lost your Love for your mate is not called cheating but still pretending the opposite is. Cheating for them, is simply when you lose the quality of your Love.

Each one needs a secret garden, a certain getaway to be with one self! Each one has dark secrets but how dark shall the shade be? Chatting innocently while your husband snores next to you? Pretending you’re having a long meeting while you sneak to meet him in the coffee shop for some innocent yet vital good laughters! Seeking recognition and admiration in the eyes of other men? Or simply swapping between the two worlds and leading a double Life?

The debate concluded: You can sleep with someone without cheating on your partner and cheating on your partner without sleeping with anyone!

Which is worse in your opinion?

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